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Today's song is "Heartlines" by Florence and the Machine. It;s so epic sounding and awesome. The new CD "Ceremonials" is full of songs like this, that seem to sweep away all worries and dark thoughts. They flow like water through my body and leave me feeling peaceful and content. I listened to it the whole drive to and from Santa Rosa yesterday- it really helped keep me center while stuck in the back of the suburban super uncomfortable. It's really good really loud, with eyes closed. I always post on my tumblr when I feel fleeting emotions and thoughts I can't keep contained. I find myself confessing things on that instead of this, posting pictures that catch my eye and make me happy. It's more a blog that reflects my emotional state than this is. This is whiny rant that probably is awful. But I like having the two separate. I like going back and seeing what I felt when. Today I feel tired. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun, but the drive was awful. I had to work today and that just bummed me out. Luckily we are getting off early, and I can go home. Then out and about I go. I need to take a shower, or at least put on a hat and a better shirt if I am going to leave the house. I don't know when I became complacent about my looks. I used to wear so much makeup, put so much time into my appearance. What changed? Because now I could care less. Maybe when my skin cleared up and I started wearing my glasses everyday instead of my contacts? But I like my glasses, they give me character.... Maybe its when I decided I value sleep over pretty much anything else. Maybe it's when I became super depressed and decided that I didn't care about anything.... I don't know. I'm not so depressed any more, not so lazy. Yet I don't get dressed up unless I have to, don't put on makeup unless I have time to do it well. Blah this doesn't even mean anything. Sara brought up moving to New York next year. I want to go with her so bad. I need to get out of here. But I always say that. And look where I am. what am I going to do? I used to have such ambition! I used to have goals, used to be able to make them happen. But I can't do it anymore. All my efforst fall through, all my hard work turns to waste.